This past weekend I had to fly out of town. The destination and reason are irrelevant. The day I was leaving I had a friend over. I decided to take the opportunity to let her know about my wearing of women's lingerie. She was surprised as expected. What was nice though was that she made no appearance of negativity towards me or about the idea of me wearing a bra and panties. In fact she made me feel comfortable about it. I was uncomfortable, very embarrassed and feeling a little shame once I let the cat out of the bag. My fear was she would be horrified and tell me off. That was not the case at all. Instead she made a few jokes in my favor about it. I admitted the bra was mine when she asked who's it was. That was hard to answer but I wanted to tell the truth, so I did. I took her back to our bedroom and showed her some other things. I had some other bras, lots of panties and some slips in a drawer. Of course that was not all of it I explained. The whole time I talked about the lingerie and my desires she kept a smile on her face. That was comforting.
I don't have a clue why I decided to let her know. I just wanted to. Over the weekend I thought about it a lot. I kept going over that Friday with her. I told my friend 'it just feels good' over and over. I think I'm looking for confirmation and acceptance from women I trust so I can accept this burning desire to wear women's lingerie.
She was so nice about it. She said I should open a business for men who like to wear lingerie. I certainly like that idea but part of this desire is that it's women's lingerie. If it were specifically for men it would not feel the same or have the same affect.
Another comment she made that stuck in my head helped me push away some of the shame this weekend. Just before we were to leave for the airport I took my bra off. She said what are you doing that for, why aren't you going to wear it. Well I have to go through security and I always get the hand wand job. Her comment made me laugh. She said it give him a great story to tell. I still took it off.
However, I decided to put it back on after going through security. In the bathroom stall I retrieved my favorite bra from my bag and put it on. Wow that felt great. I was so glad I put in my bag, it was a quick last minute decision. I wasn't going to take any lingerie since I was going to be around family.
That one remark she made about wearing it through security told me it's okay to feel this way. It meant to me I'm okay too. I'm very glad now I had this conversation with her.
Over the weekend I stole away each night to the hottub at the hotels. I would go down late so no one would be there. I had not come prepared so I had to wear my panties. Now this was a pretty risky move because the only panties I had were the ones I wore on Friday. And they are white. Not only that, they're slightly see through. To my surprise the panties became almost transparent when wet. At first I was horrified because I saw security cameras at the front desk. Decided the hell with it. I just had to be careful, which I was.
That was exciting. The last night out of town. I had a moment to be alone so I put my bra on and went outside for a smoke. Wearing my fleece pullover helped to conceal it in case any family found me.
Now I'm on my way home. I wore my bra and panties to the airport. I had to take It off but could not find a restroom. Well fuckit, I just removed it out in the open near a wall with fewer people around. Once I cleared security I found a restroom so I could put it back on.
I am enjoying the feeling. I can't exactly explain it. The bra feels good around my chest. It's not exactly that it squeezes but it's that I can feel it around me. It gives me a secure feeling.
There's still one more flight to go before I'm home.
.
Lucee
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
A Little History Lesson
Touch, to me, is very important. Growing up as a child I was never touched. All 'normal' family intimacy was gone when my parents divorce when I was about 8 or 9. The one time I remember being touched was on the head by my stepmother. I flinched. She did it in a loving way but it was totally unexpected so I flinched. I was not physically abused but emotionally abused and then had no emotional closeness to any of my family members. I've dealt with all the emotional issues and have become a very strong introspective person because of my experiences. I'm very intuitive of my surroundings and other people.
Along with this touch subject something I have finally accepted for myself is the love of wearing women's lingerie. I hesitate to say this sometimes, mainly out of embarrassment, guilt and the lingering bad feelings the desire has had over the years.
I'm not gay, on the contrary I'm very much a man and I absolutely love women. I think that could be part of why I like lingerie as well. For the love of women, makes me feel just a little closer to women in general.
I started out playing with my mother's panties and hose as a child, probably around the age of 6 or 7. Whenever I had the chance to be alone I would sneak into my parents dressing room. First I'd find something silky from my mother's drawers, then I'd pull out the stash of hidden Playboys from my father's closet. I would either wear the panties or I'd play with myself using the garments. I continued to do this for several years but then stopped for whatever reason.
Later in my teens I stole a pair of my step-mother's pantyhose and wore those on occasions in my bedroom at night. I loved the feeling it gave me. It felt naughty, close, and intimate. I'd masturbate with those on at least a few times a week. I had to hide them in the mattress of my bed. The funny thing about that is that much later my step-mother made an off hand joke about finding them one day. She said she started to wondered if I were gay until she found the pantyhose. She assumed I had slept with a girl and saved those as a souvenir. I never let her know they were hers.
Once I was living on my own I would wear an occasional pair of panties taken from a girlfriend. At times I'd wear them during sex with my girlfriends. I don't think I ever had a bad experience with any girlfriends when I wore panties. Most of them didn't seem to mind. Then in the past 8 years or so I mustered the courage to buy some of my own panties and a few other things. (I found I really like to wear women's one piece swimsuits.) I would go through periods of absence due to the guilty and embarrassment feelings. But I always come back to this 'desire'. On a couple of occasions I got rid of my collection of lingerie. Each time I wished that I had not done that. I mainly did it from fear of being caught by people I didn't want to know.
So finally in the past few months I decided life is too short, why not enjoy it.
I live with my girlfriend. We've been together for a few years now. I told her about it recently, but it didn't go over so well. Not bad, just not as I would have really hoped. She doesn't understand and it does not do anything for her she said. So that has made me a little more shy about it. She also mentioned it was weird and that she liked my hairy body because I am so manly according to her. Prior to telling her how much I liked wearing lingerie I would wear panties frequently during the day under my pants and during sex. Occasionally, I would wear one of her old slips, even asking her to get it and put it on me. There were times I did the same thing with her swimsuit or my black swimsuit.
I haven't done any of that since I told her about it. She has been very good at trying to understand. She said she wanted to understand. I made the point that I don't want to hide this from her because our relationship is important. We have always been very open and honest. I know I need to be more up front about it with her now to get past being uncomfortable around her while wearing it. Though she commented she could tolerate it on occassions but if it turned out to be everyday then she'd have a problem with it.
Problem is I do like to wear it most days. So for now I wear things when she is not at home. I also like to get in the hot-tub at night, seems to help me sleep better. When I get in the hot-tub I usually will wear my black swimsuit, but sometimes I'll wear a pair of nice lace panties or even a whole body thing that's like a swimsuit. (I can't remember the name of that type of lingerie). I even wore a pair of stockings with a garter belt. I like to try different things.
I have a terrific relationship with my girlfriend. The one thing that is missing is sexual adventure.
L
Along with this touch subject something I have finally accepted for myself is the love of wearing women's lingerie. I hesitate to say this sometimes, mainly out of embarrassment, guilt and the lingering bad feelings the desire has had over the years.
I'm not gay, on the contrary I'm very much a man and I absolutely love women. I think that could be part of why I like lingerie as well. For the love of women, makes me feel just a little closer to women in general.
I started out playing with my mother's panties and hose as a child, probably around the age of 6 or 7. Whenever I had the chance to be alone I would sneak into my parents dressing room. First I'd find something silky from my mother's drawers, then I'd pull out the stash of hidden Playboys from my father's closet. I would either wear the panties or I'd play with myself using the garments. I continued to do this for several years but then stopped for whatever reason.
Later in my teens I stole a pair of my step-mother's pantyhose and wore those on occasions in my bedroom at night. I loved the feeling it gave me. It felt naughty, close, and intimate. I'd masturbate with those on at least a few times a week. I had to hide them in the mattress of my bed. The funny thing about that is that much later my step-mother made an off hand joke about finding them one day. She said she started to wondered if I were gay until she found the pantyhose. She assumed I had slept with a girl and saved those as a souvenir. I never let her know they were hers.
Once I was living on my own I would wear an occasional pair of panties taken from a girlfriend. At times I'd wear them during sex with my girlfriends. I don't think I ever had a bad experience with any girlfriends when I wore panties. Most of them didn't seem to mind. Then in the past 8 years or so I mustered the courage to buy some of my own panties and a few other things. (I found I really like to wear women's one piece swimsuits.) I would go through periods of absence due to the guilty and embarrassment feelings. But I always come back to this 'desire'. On a couple of occasions I got rid of my collection of lingerie. Each time I wished that I had not done that. I mainly did it from fear of being caught by people I didn't want to know.
So finally in the past few months I decided life is too short, why not enjoy it.
I live with my girlfriend. We've been together for a few years now. I told her about it recently, but it didn't go over so well. Not bad, just not as I would have really hoped. She doesn't understand and it does not do anything for her she said. So that has made me a little more shy about it. She also mentioned it was weird and that she liked my hairy body because I am so manly according to her. Prior to telling her how much I liked wearing lingerie I would wear panties frequently during the day under my pants and during sex. Occasionally, I would wear one of her old slips, even asking her to get it and put it on me. There were times I did the same thing with her swimsuit or my black swimsuit.
I haven't done any of that since I told her about it. She has been very good at trying to understand. She said she wanted to understand. I made the point that I don't want to hide this from her because our relationship is important. We have always been very open and honest. I know I need to be more up front about it with her now to get past being uncomfortable around her while wearing it. Though she commented she could tolerate it on occassions but if it turned out to be everyday then she'd have a problem with it.
Problem is I do like to wear it most days. So for now I wear things when she is not at home. I also like to get in the hot-tub at night, seems to help me sleep better. When I get in the hot-tub I usually will wear my black swimsuit, but sometimes I'll wear a pair of nice lace panties or even a whole body thing that's like a swimsuit. (I can't remember the name of that type of lingerie). I even wore a pair of stockings with a garter belt. I like to try different things.
I have a terrific relationship with my girlfriend. The one thing that is missing is sexual adventure.
L
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